When Should I Start Seeing a Sex Therapist?

By Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT

As a sex therapist, I am often asked, “When is the right time to see a sex therapist?” The answer, of course, depends on the individual and their unique circumstances. Sex therapy can be incredibly beneficial for people at different stages in their lives and relationships. But knowing when to seek help is key to addressing issues early and fostering a healthy, satisfying sexual life.

Here are some common signs that it might be time for you to consider seeing a sex therapist:

1. Persistent Sexual Issues

First of all, EVERYONE has sexual issues sometimes. If you have a bout of low sex drive or orgasm issues that are brief and not concerning, it’s okay to give it a little time. Freaking out about these things only causes them to persist.

If you’re experiencing ongoing sexual concerns or discomfort—whether it’s pain during intercourse, difficulty achieving orgasm, or trouble with arousal—sex therapy can help you explore the underlying causes. These issues can stem from both physical and emotional factors, and a sex therapist can guide you in understanding the root of the problem.

2. Relationship Problems Impacting Intimacy

Couple looking happy sitting on bed laughing with each other. Sex therapy in Plymouth, MN can help you with a Twin Cities area sex therapist via online therapy in Minnesota here.

Sometimes, relationship issues can manifest in the bedroom. If you’re finding it hard to connect with your partner sexually, it might be a sign of deeper emotional concerns. This could be a breakdown in communication, an unresolved conflict, or even a lack of emotional intimacy. A sex therapist can help both individuals and couples work through these issues, teaching skills for improving communication, trust, and emotional connection—components that are essential for healthy sexual intimacy. Note- not all couple therapists are comfortable or knowledgeable discussing sexual issues. If this is the main part of your concern, make sure to find a couple’s therapist who also has sex therapy training.

3. Changes in Desire or Sexual Satisfaction

A decrease in sexual desire or dissatisfaction with your sex life doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something “wrong” with you. Life changes, such as aging, stress, or major life events, can all affect your libido and sexual satisfaction. If you’re experiencing a shift in your sexual desires, or if you or your partner no longer feel sexually fulfilled, it might be time to talk to a sex therapist to explore what’s going on beneath the surface.

Sex therapists often work with individuals to identify how mental health, relationship dynamics, and lifestyle changes could be influencing sexual desire. Sometimes, the solution is as simple as learning new ways to communicate about intimacy or exploring different types of sexual expression.

Couple dancing with balloons around them. Sex therapy in Plymouth, MN can help you with a Twin Cities area sex therapist via online therapy in Minnesota here.

4. Prevention and Enrichment

It’s not just about fixing problems—sex therapy can also be used as a tool for enhancing your sexual experience and relationship. This can be done individually or with partner(s).

Just as you might seek out a counselor for relationship enrichment or personal growth, a sex therapist can help you create a more fulfilling and exciting sexual connection.

5. Feelings of Shame or Guilt Around Sex

Feeling like sex is “bad” or “wrong” is one of the most common underlying reasons for sexual issues. If you find yourself feeling ashamed or guilty about your sexual desires, behaviors, or fantasies, a sex therapist can help you work through these feelings. Shame and guilt often arise from societal conditioning, cultural beliefs, or past experiences and can seriously impact having a healthy sex life.

6. Sexual Behavior Feeling Out of Control

If you feel that your sexual behavior is becoming uncontrollable or compulsive, it might be a sign to seek therapy. This includes situations where you feel unable to stop engaging in certain sexual activities, even when they are causing negative consequences in your life, relationships, or emotional well-being. These feelings can be overwhelming and may be linked to underlying emotional or psychological struggles, such as unresolved trauma, anxiety/depression, or attachment concerns.

Sex therapists can help you explore the reasons behind these behaviors, create strategies for managing or modifying them, and support you in building healthier, more balanced sexual habits. Working through these issues with a therapist can help you regain a sense of control and self-empowerment in your sexual life.

Couple in a field of flowers. Sex therapy in Plymouth, MN can help you with a Twin Cities area sex therapist via online therapy in Minnesota here.

The Bottom Line: There’s No “Perfect” Time to Seek Sex Therapy

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to when you should start seeing a sex therapist. Some people seek therapy when they notice specific issues impacting their sexual life, while others turn to therapy as a way to explore their sexuality more deeply and enhance their relationships.

The key is recognizing that it’s okay to ask for help and that sexual health is an essential part of overall well-being. Whether you’re facing specific challenges or simply want to improve your sexual life, therapy can be a valuable resource.

Consider Talking with a Minnesota Therapist

When in doubt, remember that your sexual well-being matters. Don’t hesitate to reach out and take that first step toward better understanding and connection with yourself and your partner. If you want to learn more about this or other wellness and/or relationship topics, therapy in Plymouth, MN, can help. Getting started is simple!