Written by Eric Anfinson, LMFT, Radiant Living Therapist
Starting therapy can certainly be a daunting experience. You’re meeting a new person and sharing everything from past hardships, unprocessed emotions, and even sexual difficulties. As men in our culture, we’re often taught never to share any of this. This can make starting therapy even more challenging. I want to share with the men out there, and their partners, just how much of a disservice you could be doing yourself by avoiding therapy.
As I said, as men we’re often steered away from really leaning into our emotions, processing our trauma, or even sharing our feelings. It is a good thing to be tough. Resilience and fortitude are often things those in our lives can rely on us for. It feels good to be the rock that your partner or family can rely on. However, when we ignore the emotions and difficulties that life inevitably throws at us, that rock begins to crack, its foundations get eaten away, and, ultimately, we can’t show up as who we really want to be.
So today I want to look at how we can do both. I think that’s what a man really is. To be reliable we need to take care of ourselves. We also must learn how to deal with emotional challenges as well as physical ones.
It’s Not Your Fault, Kind Of
The first thing I want to touch on here is that as men we’re often at a disadvantage when working to resolve our own, or our loved ones, emotional challenges. Our culture doesn’t leave much room for young men and boys to get in touch with their feelings or to learn how to manage and resolve them. What we end up with are men who may be very capable of solving surface-level, and logistical problems, but who are woefully unprepared to manage emotional ones.
Accept That Men’s Therapy Isn’t a Bad Thing
Accepting that society has done you a disservice in failing to teach you these things is fair, and a good first step. But I think as men when we recognize a weakness like this, a crack in the rock, it’s our responsibility to fix it. It’s ok if you never learned how to do these things, but to be the best version of yourself, the best partner, the best father, don’t you want to be just as good at solving emotional problems as fixing the car? It’s not your fault that you’re here, but it’s up to you to make a change.
Is Men’s Therapy Really Necessary?
It’s great to be an awesome partner or father, but the first thing I want to look at is taking care of yourself. Every challenge we face in life has two parts, surface and emotional. Both parts are important. If you lose your job, you need to find a new one. But losing your job also has a significant emotional impact as well. If you don’t know how or can’t process that piece of it, the emotional pressure builds. It makes it harder to find that new job, it can make you retreat from your loved one, and honestly just make you feel like crap.
Learn to Process Your Feelings and Develop Coping Skills
If you learn how to identify, access, and process these feelings, then you can tackle just about any problem. You may even already know how to do part of this. If you can build these skills, it will also help you have much better conflict resolution with your partner or kids. Most conflict has a big emotional component that is often completely separated from logic.
Trying to resolve these conflicts using logic is only going to leave both parties more frustrated. If you can successfully resolve both the surface and emotional pieces of a conflict, you’re going to have a much happier relationship. So, is it necessary to learn these skills? Of course not, but it’s certainly going to lead you to a much happier life.
It’s Not All Problem-Solving
Being able to resolve your own past trauma, or deeply connect with your emotions, doesn’t just allow you to fix things or resolve problems. It can also allow you to be happier and more connected to those in your life. Past trauma often acts as a huge barrier to feeling good or connecting with those close to you. Therapy is a fantastic way to work through trauma and take your life back. Trauma doesn’t have to mean seeing combat or sexual assault. Most of the trauma I process with people is more about the accumulation of hundreds of small cuts over time.
Your own parents never let you know that you’re good enough, or a partner who was endlessly critical, pushing you to question your own value. When you believe negative things about yourself it takes you away from your own happiness and limits your ability to accept love from those close to you. How could someone really love you if you’re not good enough? On the positive side of things, being able to connect with your good feelings allows you to connect more deeply and enjoy the good moments even more strongly. By learning these skills, you become a better version of yourself.
I’ve always thought that being strong meant facing your problems. Pretending that our feelings aren’t just as strong as everyone else’s is running away from them, not being stoic. You have the strength to learn about something new and scary. We’re here to help with men’s therapy in Plymouth, MN.
Ready to Start Men’s Therapy in Plymouth, MN?
Finding a therapist who is a good fit is important. Research shows that most of the progress you make in therapy comes from your connection with the therapist. Getting counseling for men in our Plymouth, MN therapy office is easy. With men’s therapy, our team specializes in mental health issues to provide you with as much support as possible. Begin men’s therapy with these simple steps:
- Schedule a free therapy consultation to talk and get started
- Meet with a caring men’s therapist
- Begin your journey to start healing
Other Counseling Services at Radiant Living Therapy
At Radiant Living Therapy, we understand what you’re going through, and provide counseling for men to address your needs. Also, the therapists at our Plymouth, MN counseling office offer other mental health services such as anxiety and depression counseling, teen therapy, EMDR for trauma therapy, and skilled couples therapy. Check out our therapist blog or learn more about our team of expert therapists! Let us help you live your best life!
