Dr. Lisa Lovelace, Clinical Psychologist and Owner of Synergy eTherapy
Covid-19 Has Changed Our Lives
If you are over the age of 3, chances are that your world has turned upside down these past several months with Covid-19. Human beings thrive on schedules, consistency, predictability, and certainty, and we have all been challenged with the enormous task of figuring out how to live in uncertain times.
Even during times of extreme distress (I’m pretty sure a global pandemic meets this requirement), the human spirit will persevere and adapt because we are, at the core, survival creatures.
I can’t underscore enough the power of resiliency!
After the initial shock of the drastic life change that ensued back in March, many of us were able to figure out a “kinda, sort of” new schedule and got into a new routine, although it looked a lot different than before. For many families, this included no school, no playdates, no extended family dinners, no malls, no camp, and the list goes on and on. Losing the day-to-day routine and missing typical big events (e.g., graduations, baby showers, etc.) can create a sense of grief and loss for many people. Change is… let’s face it, change is extremely hard.
And, for many of us, we also found out how different our lives became once time stopped. No more racing to get to school, work, practice, sports, events; we got reacquainted with those we love the most. Amidst the sadness, loss, and chaos, we can always find new ways to keep going. That’s called grit: Our ability to persevere through tough times.
People, in general, have a hard time with change.
Many of us have felt an increase in anxiety and stress, depression, and even a sense of hopelessness. Some kids adapted easily to the change and probably liked being home with family more! Others? Not as much.
If you are like many parents with school aged children, you may have witnessed a change in your kid’s behavior and mood. Maybe your kiddo displayed more irritability, whining, or other regressed behaviors. For many kids, t.v. and IPADS becomes a short-term babysitter and sibling rivalry grew exponentially as their time spent together also increased.
Kids of all ages miss the free-play social interactions with their peers. With physical distancing, masks and worry about getting sick, our fears hinder us socially and we lose out on a big part of that necessary development regarding social engagement. We don’t really know what tomorrow looks like for many things, AND there are ways to cope with uncertainty.
How Can We Help Kids Cope in Times of Uncertainty?
Acknowledge feelings
Parents need to help themselves and their children learn the emotional language to allow insight into how one feels. Use words like happy, sad, mad, concerned, worried, excited, etc often in conversation and ask your child to explain how they feel about lots of different experiences throughout the day. Own your own feelings as well. Everyone feels something all the time! Encourage the use of feeling words in everyday conversation and continue to do so as your child grows. There is no “stop” limit on emotional engagement. If you aren’t comfortable using emotion words, learn along with your child! It’s necessary for their emotional development (and I promise, yours too!).
Focus on what is in your (and their) control
Get a piece of paper for you and your child(ren) and draw a circle about ¾ the size of the paper. Write inside the circle what IS in your control and outside the circle what is NOT in your control. Discuss ways that you all can focus on what you can control and how your family can work together to help one another stay on the inside of the circle. We need to accept that not everything is in our control, and shift our focus to the things that are in our control. Acceptance is key.
Find Balance and a New Routine
Have fun creating a new schedule. When times are uncertain, we need to create certainty within what we have! Have your child(ren) write down what they want their day to look like and how things may change once school begins. Help them think through balancing school work with play and rest time. Boredom isn’t bad! Encourage fewer screens when they are finished with school (especially virtual school) and more outside time to roam and play.
Get Outside in Nature
Nature does wonders for our mental health, adult and kid alike! Go play with your kids outside. Go on a bike ride in a new part of town, take a nature hike around your block or get wet or muddy in a sprinkler! Sensory play is good for kids of all ages.
Maintain Connections
Social Distance? Physical Distance. Change how we think about what’s happening to keep our families and communities safer. Changing one word (from social to physical) gives this a different feel. We can remain socially close, even with more physical distance. For kids of all ages, encourage safe outside play dates with peers (in whatever manner that works for your family’s health and well-being). Kids need Kids.
Need more help? Reach out!
When you or your child’s mood and/or behavior become too much to handle, please know that you are not alone and there are online services that can help. Synergy eTherapy offers a variety of online mental health services to kids, teens, and college students in the state of Minnesota (and 16 other states as well!). Thank goodness online therapy can help most people of any age before, during, and well after COVID.
Special thanks to our guest blog author, Lisa!
Dr. Lisa Herman Lovelace Ph.D. is the founder of Synergy e-therapy a thriving online therapy practice located in 17 states. She is also a very talented therapist working children, teens, and adults. In online therapy, Synergy e-therapists treat a variety of mental health concerns including anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, substance abuse, and other emotional or behavioral disorders.
