Feeling lost about how to connect with your teen and anxious to know what’s going on in their world? I’ve seen it time and time before in teen counseling at my Plymouth, MN therapy clinic.
Teens these days can feel like they live on another planet. With their access to technology and social media, they grew up very different than their parents. It can be hard to know how to connect with them and what they are struggling with. As parents, we are often worried about what they are doing, who they are talking to online, and if we need to be worried about them.
Get to Their Level
Let’s face it. Kids are all about social media. Offer to learn a Tiktok dance with them. Take fun selfies and add filters for Snapchat. Take interest in what they are interested in. If they want to talk about a celebrity or a new song – take an interest. If they know that you’ll listen to the small things, they will trust you with big things.
Speaking of the small things – they may be chatting with you about something that is seemingly innocuous- their friend snubbed them or a teacher gave them a bad grade. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it may be to them. They also may be testing you to see how you react.
If you let them share funny things on various apps with you, you are at the very least becoming aware of what apps they are using, which gives you insight into their world.
Be Willing to Talk When They Are
Teens have a knack for wanting to talk at random, and sometimes inconvenient, times. We can’t let ourselves be busy or distracted when they seemingly want to talk. We just have to stop what we’re doing and listen.
Ever noticed they love talking at bedtime? Maybe you’ve even deemed that a “stalling” tactic to going to sleep. It might be – but who cares?! If they are talking to you, stop and listen – even if it means they go to bed 30 minutes later than they should. Or even if it means you don’t get those dishes cleaned up because you were talking to them. Teens tend to be nocturnal, so 10 PM may very well be their best time to chat.
Another good place to chat with your teen is in the car. You pick them up from an activity and they might have all kinds of things to talk about. Listen. Ask questions. Learn about their world. This is going to be inconsistent. You might be driving them somewhere and assume they will want to chat like usual. Teens are moody and have lots of hormones flying around. They may have just gotten in a fight with a friend or a crush didn’t give them the attention they were hoping for. Let them be crabby and moody sometimes without pushing from you to talk or be in a good mood. Teens need to feel like they can be who they are in any given moment and you will accept them for it and love them just as much.
Listen to Understand, Not to Solve
Teens tell me all the time that they wish their parents would just LISTEN. They don’t want you to solve their problems, and they definitely don’t want you to freak out when they tell you things.
For example, they may tell you they have a friend that’s been feeling down and experimenting with some drinking. If you go into parent solving mode and offer to call that persons parents, or freak out and talk about the dangers of drinking, they will not be coming to you with this kind of thing again.
What should you do for your teen instead?
In this example, I would say first, make sure to listen all the way through them talking. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get distracted by your phone or other things. When they are done say, “Thanks for telling me all that. I’m sorry your friend is going through that. What are you thinking and feeling about it?” They need to know that when and if they ever come to you about these tough topics that you will understand, listen, and above all NOT. FREAK. OUT.
Celebrate Your Unique Teen
A lot of these tips center around making your teen feel important, heard, and loved in the ways that are important to them. You don’t always get to connect with your teen the way you hoped to as a parent. Maybe they aren’t into watching football like you are, or love playing in the school band as you did. This can be disappointing and eliminates easy ways to connect that you actually know and like to talk about. However, you have to make what they want to talk about, and when they want to talk, the top priority- this is the only way to truly know your teen. I cannot tell you how comforting it will be to have a disaster happen and know the friends to call, or what apps to look at, or what their interests are.
Learn more about Amanda, the author, owner, and therapist for Radiant Living, right here!
Thinking About Counseling for Teens in Plymouth, MN?
We would love to help you and your teen through this unprecedented global trauma. You probably already know that we offer teen therapy through online counseling in Minnesota, no matter where you are in the state. So, let’s connect! We can provide high-quality telehealth services for your teen. To get started, simply:
- Schedule a free, 30-minute consultation to talk about online therapy
- Meet with a skilled and licensed online therapist in Minnesota
- Start to feel better about your teen now
Other Counseling Services at Radiant Living Therapy
Our problems have many layers. We know these issues are complex so, at our Plymouth, MN counseling office, our professional therapists offer a variety of options for supporting your mental health needs. Our counseling services include individual counseling for anxiety or depression therapy, counseling for teens, marriage counseling and couples therapy, EMDR for trauma therapy, counseling for men, therapy for infertility, and more. Most of these services can also be offered online. Let us help you live your best life, starting with online therapy.
If you are a helping professional looking for help, or a therapist needing supervision or consultation services, we can help you, too. No matter the need, our therapists look forward to connecting with you!
