Written by Amanda Holmberg-Sasek, Owner
It’s a hard time for teens right now! They can’t see their friends as much, back to school is a total mess, sports/activities are nonexistent or very different, and their life is basically a big pile of unknowns. Is your teen dealing with this stress?
Your Teen Might be Having a Tough Time Coping
We, as adults are struggling too, and if you are anything like me you are so sick of making decisions! We all have to make constant decisions right now – some that may be life or death! But as daunting as those decisions may be – we at least get to have them. Teens are facing a lot of stressors combined with an extreme lack of control over what happens. The adults in their lives get to decide how things will play out with school, friends, sports, and life – and they don’t get a whole lot of say. So, if you can do anything for your teen right now it’s let them have some control. Even if it’s some semblance of control. For example – let your teen decide how their day goes within your parameters. They can shower now or later in the day, they can take the car out for a joyride to see the sights, they can order something new and cool for their room.
You may be thinking – my teen is seemingly kind of down right now, but aren’t we all? It’s a hard time! The answer is yes, we are all a bit down and anxious right now but this lack of control and adult wisdom to know how to cope can make it even harder for teens to get out of the funk. Here are 3 signs your teen may need to talk to someone.
When teens are in their room a lot and won’t come out for things they used to
It’s very normal for teens to be in their rooms. That is their happy place. It’s pretty developmentally appropriate. However, you as the parent usually know some tricks to get them out of their room. Maybe it’s offering to go grab their favorite food item, or a Starbucks run, or a friend is coming over, etc. If the things that usually work to get a pep in their step and out of their bedroom are not working. It’s a sign they may be depressed or anxious.
They tell you they have physical symptoms or use depression-like words
Teens won’t always tell you straightforwardly they are depressed or anxious. They may be telling you things they are feeling without using those words. They may be doing it as a “hint” or simply because they don’t totally understand their symptoms.
Teens that are depressed or anxious often use phrases like:
- I’m so tired
- My stomach hurts
- That doesn’t sound fun
- I’m bored
- I don’t want to do anything
They also may demonstrate with their actions that something isn’t quite right with them. In teens, this can often look like:
- Using drugs/alcohol
- Not wanting to hang out with friends/changes in the friend group
- Anger outbursts
- Eating problems: eating way more or less than usual
- Increasing defiance
- Seemingly low self-esteem
- Seeming hopeless about the future/not planning for the immediate future
When teens talk about their friends being in therapy… *hint hint*
If your teen is mentioning that a friend is in therapy they might be curious about how it could help them. If they bring this up with you make sure to have a therapy positive response such as “That’s great that they found someone to talk to. That can help so much!”. Then see if they have any questions about what therapy entails. We usually tell teens that therapy is a place to “get your emotions out with a non-biased person”. They aren’t your mom or your friend so they don’t have any personal agenda. Therapy is also a place to learn new ways to cope with emotions or stressors that you may not have thought of before.
But What if it’s Just “Normal” Teen Behavior?
We’ve had many parents ask us this question. They wonder if the signs they are seeing are just normal teen angst and not actual depression or anxiety. My answer is – who cares if it is normal teen angst? These things are still concerning whether they actually fit a diagnosis. We help teens with the angst and hormones and stresses of teen life all the time! Sometimes going to therapy early on can help it so it doesn’t get to a dire situation.
If your teen is displaying any of these signs don’t be afraid to be direct with them about it.
We’ve heard many teens say over the years that they wish their parents had seen the signs sooner. If your teen clams up when you bring it up with them – that’s okay. Give it some space and then try again. Maybe they weren’t quite ready to talk about it. Don’t take their first response as the final response. Some parents find success in texting them and asking about their mood or therapy. Yes – texting them even if you are in the same house at the time. This may seem weird but this is the generation that communicates largely via technology and sometimes it’s easier to say the hard things when you aren’t face-to-face. The biggest advice I can give to you is to not freak out or make a big deal about this. Show them that you are a safe person to come to by just listening and gently suggesting they may want to talk to someone.
Learn more about Amanda, the author, owner, and therapist for Radiant Living, right here!
Thinking About Counseling for Teens in Plymouth, MN?
We would love to help you and your teen through this unprecedented global trauma. You probably already know that we offer online counseling in Minnesota, no matter where you are in the state. So, let’s connect! We can provide high-quality telehealth services for your teen. To get started, simply:
- Schedule a free, 30-minute consultation to talk about online therapy
- Meet with a skilled and licensed online therapist in Minnesota
- Start to feel better about your teen now
Other Counseling Services at Radiant Living Therapy
Our problems have many layers. We know these issues are complex so, at our Plymouth, MN counseling office, our professional therapists offer a variety of options for supporting your mental health needs. Our counseling services include individual counseling for anxiety or depression therapy, counseling for teens, marriage counseling and couples therapy, EMDR for trauma therapy, counseling for men, therapy for infertility, and more. Most of these services can also be offered online. Let us help you live your best life, starting with online therapy.
If you are a helping professional looking for help, or a therapist needing supervision or consultation services, we can help you, too. No matter the need, our therapists look forward to connecting with you!
Read more from the Radiant blog:
- The Way You See Yourself Matters: Body Image and Sexual Functioning
- Attached at the Hip: How Attachment Styles Affect Our Adult Relationships
- New Year New Us: Relationship Resolutions
- Setting Boundaries: The Holiday Edition
- A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys
- Internal Family Systems – How Your Parts Impact Your Relationships
