A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys

by Josalin Brausen, Masters Intern Therapist

Are you getting bored in the bedroom? Whether it’s solo play or with a partner, sex toys can be a great way to spice things up and enhance your experience. In fact, sex toy use may be more common than you might think, and continues to become more mainstream. One study found that 53% of women and 45% of men between 18 and 65 years old have used a vibrator (Herbenick et al., 2009). However, if you have never used one, walk into any sex toy store, or even browse online, and you may easily become overwhelmed. There are so many to choose from – vibrators, dildos, harnesses, pumps, anal toys…just to name a few. How do you decide where the best place to start is? Look no further, this guide is for you. In this blog post, I will dive into some reasons to use toys, several different kinds, and their functions, as well as how to care for your toys and use them safely.

Pile of colorful sex toys on a bright background. Sex therapy and sex counseling in Plymouth, MN with a sex therapist in Minnesota can help. Learn more via online therapy in Minnesota here.

Why Use Sex Toys?

First and foremost, they can be fun! Many of us have experienced falling into a sexual routine or rut and felt frustrated because of it. Sex toys can add a new and exciting element, as well as different sensations. The different sensations can increase pleasure, especially for vulva owners who may not orgasm from penetration alone (which is common!), and need clitoral stimulation. Toys may also help with erectile dysfunction, lack of orgasm, low desire, and pelvic floor dysfunction (which is when you are unable to relax/coordinate your pelvic floor muscles – which can lead to sexual dysfunction). On top of this, they can help you explore different sexual desires you may have and increase sexual communication with your partner(s) as you incorporate them into partnered activity.

The Wide Spectrum of Sex Toys

As I have already mentioned, and you have probably seen, there is a very wide spectrum of sex toys to choose from. Let’s break down a few of the more common ones:

Drawer pulled out with various colorful sex toys inside. Sex counseling in Plymouth, MN with a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist can help you feel more confident sexually.

Vibrators – At a basic level, these are any toy that vibrates in order to stimulate the genitals. They can stimulate many different parts of the body – clitoris, vulva, vagina, penis, scrotum, testicles, nipples, anus, etc. They can be designed for use both outside and inside of the body. To give a couple of examples – Wand vibrators can be a great first toy to stimulate the clitoris for vulva owners, and usually have many different speeds and modes. A rabbit vibrator has both an insertable portion for vaginal stimulation and an outside portion meant to stimulate the clitoris at the same time. Vibrating penis rings are an option for penis owners to increase sensation.
Dildos – These are toys that are meant to go inside the vagina, anus, or mouth. The shape and size can vary widely as well as the material used – more on that later.
Anal Toys – Anal toys are specifically designed to stimulate or be inserted into the anus. This category can include plugs, anal beads, and prostate massagers. An important caveat here is to choose one that has a flared base or some way to pull it out so it doesn’t accidentally get stuck.
Sleeves – These are also called masturbation sleeves or penis sleeves, and they are essentially a soft tube to insert the penis in. There are many kinds, some with different textures inside and others that may vibrate or have suction.
Pumps – There are different kinds – some for penis owners and others for vulva owners, but their basic function is the same. Some have hand pumps and others have electric ones. For penis owners, it surrounds the penis in a cylinder and then you pump out the air, creating a type of vacuum. It works to increase the quality of an erection as it suctions blood into the blood vessels of the penis. Some may use it to help with erectile dysfunction. For vulva owners, the pump is placed over the vulva and does the same thing – you suck the air out to create a vacuum and increase blood flow to the area. This increased blood flow can increase sensitivity.
Kegel Balls – These are round objects, balls, that are inserted into the vagina. They can be used to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, or just for pleasure and self-exploration.
Harnesses – These toys are meant to be strapped onto your body – hips, thigh, hand, etc, and allow you to penetrate your partner without using your hands. They have a wide variety of uses – partnered play, gender expression, and role plays are just a few examples.

Using and Caring for Your New Toys Safely

For any sexual activity, it is important to engage safely and get consent throughout! Washing your sex toys after use is also very important in order to avoid bacterial infections or transmission of STDs. How you do so depends on the toy and the material it is made of. Unfortunately, there are many toys on the market made of unsafe or potentially harmful materials. Nonporous toys are recommended as they don’t harbor bacteria. Some examples of nonporous materials are medical grade/body-safe silicone, glass, and metals like stainless steel.

Sex toy being cleaned with water. Learn more about sex toys from an online therapist in Minnesota here. Sex therapy near Minneapolis can help you feel more confident.

For any toy, keep and follow the instructions they provide for care and cleaning. Some general rules to follow: remove any batteries before washing. Never submerge electrical components in water. Use mild/non-harsh soap and warm water to clean. Air dry them on clean paper towels or washcloths. If you are using toys with multiple partners, or need a deeper clean, some toys can be submerged in a pot of boiling water for three minutes. Note, they must be water-safe, their instruction manual should indicate this. For storing, it is recommended to place them in a cool, dark, dry place. Avoid direct sunlight or anywhere they can get wet. One last thing, with any sex toy, be sure you are using enough lube! Water-based lubes are typically best for use with toys, as other kinds can degrade or damage your toys. If you’re curious to learn more about lube, check out this post – The “It” Product of the Summer: Lube!

Still Curious? Consider Talking with a Minnesota Therapist

As with any new thing, it’s okay to feel nervous and unsure at first. Take it slow and pay attention to what works and doesn’t work for you, everyone is a bit different. However, I do hope this guide left you feeling more confident and empowered to incorporate a sex toy or two into your sexual self-care! If you want to learn more about this or other wellness and/or relationship topics, therapy in Plymouth, MN can help. Getting started is simple!