By Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT
I was listening to the Girls Gotta Eat podcast this week and heard Nick Viall say something interesting. He was discussing how he goes to individual and couple therapy, and how it is expensive and a lot of work. Despite that, he encouraged listeners to think about the cost of NOT going to therapy. So, shout out to Nick for inspiring this blog post!
Therapy often gets a bad rap as something only needed in times of crisis or as an indulgence for those with severe mental health issues. However, therapy—whether individual or relational—is not just for moments of intense distress. It is an invaluable tool for maintaining emotional and relational well-being. Unfortunately, many people avoid therapy for reasons ranging from financial concerns to fear or even the belief that their problems will resolve on their own.
While it may seem easier to put off seeking help, the true cost of not going to therapy, especially relationship therapy, can be far greater than anticipated.
1. Emotional Costs: Unresolved Pain and Emotional Disconnect
The emotional toll of avoiding therapy can be significant, especially in the context of relationships. Emotional struggles, whether related to past trauma, unprocessed grief, or ongoing stress, don’t just vanish when ignored. In fact, they tend to grow, fester, and manifest in other, often unhealthy, ways.
When couples avoid relationship therapy, they often face escalating emotional disconnection. Partners may feel unheard, unseen, or misunderstood, which leads to emotional withdrawal, resentment, and even bitterness over time. Without learning how to change dysfunctional relationship patterns we are doomed to continue them. The longer we go in these patterns, the harder it is to change them.
Additionally, individuals in these relationships may carry unresolved emotional pain into other aspects of their lives. They may feel disconnected from other family and friends due to the loneliness and isolation in their relationship.
Emotional costs of avoiding therapy:
- Prolonged emotional suffering, including anxiety, sadness, or anger.
- Accumulation of resentment, frustration, or bitterness between partners.
- A sense of emotional disconnect that leads to growing isolation or loneliness within the relationship.
- Declining self-esteem and increased self-doubt that can affect multiple areas of life.
2. Familial and Relationship Strain: The Cost to Your Children
The emotional fallout from not seeking therapy doesn’t stay confined to the individual or couple—it often extends to family members, children, and friends. When a couple avoids addressing their relationship issues, these struggles can create ripple effects that harm the broader family system.
For example, children in families with unresolved parental conflicts often feel the strain of tension or witness unhealthy patterns of communication. This can contribute to anxiety, behavioral problems, or emotional issues in kids. Relationships with extended family members may also suffer, as unresolved issues can spill over into interactions with others, creating awkwardness, discomfort, or outright conflict.
In romantic relationships, issues like infidelity, communication breakdowns, or differing parenting styles can cause deep divides. If these problems go unaddressed, trust and intimacy can erode, leading to feelings of disconnection and even the dissolution of the relationship. Over time, this can result in a painful breakup or divorce, with both emotional and financial consequences.
Cost to your Immediate Family:
- Worsened parent-child relationships, with children feeling the emotional toll of unresolved conflict.
- Children may need therapy
- Potential separation or divorce, which often results in emotional distress and significant financial strain.
3. Financial Costs: Unseen Consequences of Unresolved Issues
While therapy itself is often seen as a financial investment, the hidden financial costs of avoiding it can far outweigh the expense of seeking help. Unresolved relationship issues can lead to significant financial strain in both the short and long term.
Impact on careers and productivity: Emotional strain from relationship conflict often spills over into other areas of life, including work. Anxiety, depression, or relationship stress can lead to reduced productivity, absenteeism, or burnout. The resulting loss of income, missed career advancement opportunities, and even job loss can have lasting financial consequences. Think of all the energy you might be currently spending on a dysfunctional relationship. This energy could be redirected toward your job and increased financial benefit.
Impact of separation or divorce: One of the most significant financial impacts of avoiding relationship therapy is the potential for a breakup or divorce. The emotional toll of separation is compounded by the financial cost of legal fees, division of assets, alimony, child support, and the potential need for therapy or counseling for children. Divorce can also reduce the standard of living for both partners, especially if children are involved, as the costs of maintaining two separate households often result in financial strain.
Health-related costs: Relationship distress can contribute to mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, which often lead to physical symptoms (headaches, sleep problems, gastrointestinal issues). This can result in increased healthcare costs, from doctor visits to medications, as individuals seek to manage the physical manifestations of their emotional pain.
Financial costs of avoiding therapy:
- Increased risk of job loss, decreased productivity or missed career opportunities due to relationship stress.
- The high cost of divorce or separation, including legal fees, child support, and division of assets.
- Healthcare costs related to the physical symptoms of stress or mental health challenges exacerbated by relational issues.
- Potential long-term financial instability due to the financial implications of divorce or a fractured family.
4. The Relational Cost: Lost Opportunity for Growth and Healing
When couples avoid therapy, they miss out on the opportunity for growth, healing, and deeper connection. Relationship therapy is not just about fixing problems—it’s about learning how to communicate more effectively, understand each other’s needs, and create a stronger, more resilient bond.
Without therapy, many couples fall into unproductive patterns of communication and behavior. They might engage in cycles of blame, defensiveness, or stonewalling that ultimately leave both partners feeling unheard and unsatisfied. Over time, these unhealthy patterns can be incredibly damaging to the relationship, making it difficult for couples to find common ground or resolve issues on their own.
Relational costs of avoiding therapy:
- Missed opportunity for emotional growth and personal development as a couple.
- Ongoing communication breakdowns that contribute to an unhealthy, stagnant relationship.
- The potential loss of love, trust, and intimacy that could have been restored or deepened through therapy.
- Regret over not addressing issues sooner, leading to resentment and a sense of lost potential.
The True Cost of Therapy Avoidance
The costs of avoiding therapy are far-reaching, affecting not just the individual, but their relationships, families, finances, and broader communities. While seeking therapy—especially relationship therapy—requires time, effort, and sometimes financial investment, the consequences of not addressing relational issues can be far more expensive in the long run.
Whether you’re struggling with communication, trust issues, or simply want to deepen your emotional connection, therapy can offer the tools, guidance, and support needed to overcome challenges and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Don’t wait for a crisis to seek help. The investment in therapy today can save you from the far higher emotional, familial, financial, and relational costs of tomorrow. Remember: Therapy is an investment in your happiness, your relationships, and your future. Seek help early, and you might be surprised at how much it can transform your life and your love.
Ready to Start Online Therapy in Minnesota?
Make this strategic investment in yourself. Your marriage, your family, your mental health. It’s worth it! Getting online therapy in Minnesota or in-person therapy in Plymouth, MN therapy office is easy!
- Schedule a free online therapy consultation to talk and get started
- Meet with a caring Minnesota online therapist
- Begin your journey to start healing and feeling more like your best possible self.
Other Counseling Services at Radiant Living Therapy
At Radiant Living Therapy, we understand what you’re going through, and provide counseling for men to address your needs. Also, the therapists at our Plymouth, MN counseling office offer other mental health services such as anxiety and depression counseling, teen therapy, EMDR for trauma therapy, and skilled couples therapy. Check out our therapist blog or learn more about our team of expert therapists! Let us help you live your best life!
