Written by Amanda, Radiant Living Therapist & Owner
As a marriage and family therapist, I often see couples who are deep into distress in their marriage. It’s likely been years of conflict, avoidance, lack of intimacy, struggles with co-parenting, or some combination of all of these. These couples often say the same thing
We should have come to see you years ago.
So, why don’t couples come to marriage counseling sooner?
There is a stigma associated with marriage therapy. Many people think that if you have to go see a therapist for your marriage or relationship that you should feel shame or that your marriage is doomed. So, they wait. They wait until it gets so bad that someone is threatening to leave the relationship.
Couples Counseling: A Primary Care Provider for your Relationship
Do you only go to the doctor when you’re severely ill? Likely, you engage in some form of preventative care with regular visits to your primary care provider. This person knows your medical history, your medications, and your current symptoms of concern. They know enough about you to help you make decisions about your healthcare that help you lead the healthiest life possible. You trust them. If you have symptoms that suddenly come up, they are your first call to figure out what’s going on and make a plan for the best course of action.
Similarly, we recommend you have a primary care provider for your relationship. This is the therapist you establish care with early on in your marriage so that when other problems arise down the road (and they will!) you have someone that knows your history and can help you make the best possible plan to move forward in a healthy way. Many of our couples have come for a course of marriage treatment and then come back years later when they hit another life transition or roadblock in their marriage. They choose to return to the same therapist because there is a comfort there – this therapist knows them. They also don’t have to waste time giving their history because the therapist already knows it. The therapist can quickly jump in and help them make a plan for their relationship.
Proactive vs. Reactive Couples Counseling
You have heard of pre-marital counseling, right? There’s a reason the state will give you a discount on your marriage license for proof of participating in pre-marital counseling – they know it helps people to identify possible roadblocks before they happen so that couples can take a proactive instead of a reactive approach to their marriage.
You don’t have to be preparing to get marriage to have premarital counseling. This can happen early in your marriage too. Similar to premarital counseling, we can sit down with you and your partner and discuss some of “big five” things that are likely to become concerns in your marriage and how you plan to work with them. These are: religion, sex/intimacy, co-parenting, finances, and in-laws. This allows you to proceed in your marriage confident about your values and how to handle problems as they arise.
I’m starting to see some problems…
We love working with couples who are seeing the beginning stages of issues related to the above “big five” or any other topic. Often times couples are just struggling to communicate effectively and don’t feel like the other is “hearing” them. Things are necessarily bad, but they aren’t good like they used to be either. Things do not have to be in a dire place to seek therapy. In fact, it is in your best interest to seek it as early as possible – if for no other reason than it’ll likely mean a shorter course of treatment – which saves time and money! When you are done with couples counseling, you can feel confident about moving forward in your relationship. AND, that you now have established care with a highly trained professional that will be there for you should other issues arise.
Taking control of your marriage
We encourage you to think about meeting with a couple’s therapist as taking control of the most important relationship in your life. Relationships are rewarding but often very difficult. Often, when we can get through the various roadblocks that relationships often struggle with we feel stronger and more confident that we can get through anything. We are happy to help you build this confidence for a happier and healthier marriage.
Thinking About Online Couples Therapy in Minnesota?
We would love to help you take a proactive approach to your relationship. In fact, we offer online counseling in Minnesota, no matter where you are in the state. We can provide high-quality telehealth services for you and your family! To get started, simply:
- Schedule a free, 30-minute consultation to talk about online therapy
- Meet with a skilled and licensed online therapist
- Begin your life together on solid ground, from the safety of your home
Other Counseling Services at Radiant Living Therapy
Our problems have many layers. We know these issues are complex so, we are here for you at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Our professional therapists offer a variety of options for supporting your mental health needs. Our counseling services include individual counseling for anxiety or depression therapy, counseling for teens, marriage counseling and couples therapy, EMDR for trauma therapy, counseling for men, therapy for infertility, and more. Most of these services can also be offered online. Let us help you live your best life, starting with online therapy.
If you are a helping professional looking for help, or a therapist needing supervision or consultation services, we can help you, too. No matter the need, our therapists look forward to connecting with you!
Read more from the Radiant blog:
- Unload The Mental Load: Tips from a Twin Cities Therapist
- The Way You See Yourself Matters: Body Image and Sexual Functioning
- Attached at the Hip: How Attachment Styles Affect Our Adult Relationships
- New Year New Us: Relationship Resolutions
- Setting Boundaries: The Holiday Edition
- A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys
