Written by Jen Jasperson
Infertility? Been there. Pandemic? Done that.
Going through both at the same time sounds like the most stressful, isolating, crazy-making thing that I can think of!!! Here are a few tips for coping with these two enormous stressors both at the same time:
1. You Can Choose When to Feel Your Feels but you Need to Come Back to Them
Have you ever heard that you have to feel it to heal it? It’s true. Your body already knows how to release emotions but a lot of us are taught early on that we’re not supposed to cry. I remember lines like “rub some dirt on it” or “if you’re not bleeding, you’re not in pain” and all that taught me was that emotions are bad and make other people uncomfortable. Soooo, I suggest that you own it. Infertility SUCKS!!! And there are a lot of emotions to be felt. Give yourself permission to feel them.
We don’t always have time to process our feelings because let’s face it- we still have a million things to do even if we’re trying to make a tiny human being. When this occurs, put your feelings in a container and save them for later. This is not shoving your feelings down and expecting them to go away. This is letting you live your life and creating a separate space for healing. So whether it be a physical container that you take scraps of paper to write things on and toss them in or a container that you create in your mind, you have the power to set things aside to take a break from the feelings and release them from your body. Remember to come back to these later when it’s convenient to really sit with them
2. Be Kind to Yourself
What is the story you tell yourself about yourself? Is it that you are bad, that you don’t deserve to be a mama, that you don’t deserve the life that you’ve always dreamed of but other people do?!? Our brains have a powerful way of holding on to those thoughts, even strengthening neural pathways that tell you that those thoughts are true, causing those thoughts to come up every time you are triggered. We all know infertility leads to A LOT of triggers!
So answer the question, what is the story you tell yourself about yourself? Be honest with yourself. And then replace that with how you want to feel. This should be a positive statement. Write it down. Put it on your mirror. In your car. On the meds that you take. Put it anywhere that you will see it and spend your days proving it’s true.
Examples of these positive statements:
- I deserve good things
- I will be a great mama
- My body is amazing and will do what it needs to do to create life
- TTC is hard but I will get through it!
- I will have the family I want and deserve
3. Connect to Others Struggling with Infertility
Infertility is isolating enough without living through a pandemic. Check-in with your old friends and be open about what you need. Friends don’t always know what to say but they probably want to be there for you. You can tell them you don’t need them to fix anything, you just need someone to listen and support you.
Connect with your partner. Remember that you probably both have big emotions right now. Let them share their emotions about trying to conceive and share yours. They might be different, but that is okay. Support each other through this tough time. Share all your worst fears that you’re afraid to say out loud with the intention of getting them out of you.
Find new support by joining groups online. Who else understands the acronyms of TTC, the fact that cough syrup and Mucinex have other purposes, or that if you eat too much pineapple, your mouth stings and goes numb at the same time?!?
You Can Do This!
Struggling with infertility is such a personal and emotional experience and those who haven’t been through it just don’t get it. I get it!! I get what it’s like to be defeated by yet another pregnancy announcement…even though I want to feel happy for them. I get what it’s like to obsess over what day of the month it is and track it all. It’s so much track. I get it. The good, the bad, the ugly, the crazy, the emotional, the hopelessness, and grief, I get it.
This is why I am SO incredibly excited to offer a group to women struggling with infertility. I want to give you a place to be yourself and get support and validation from other women who truly get it. A place for laughter, connection, EMDR, skill-building, processing emotions, and lots of mind/body exercises. I want to give you exactly what I needed and couldn’t find it, because I get it. I named the group The Pineapple Squad as a way of showing solidarity to all the women who need a squad right now. Let us support you!
Start Infertility Therapy in Plymouth, MN
We would love to help you through this unprecedented time in the world. You do not have to suffer from infertility all alone. You deserve support. Our Plymouth-based specialist in infertility therapy would love to help you. To get started, simply:
- Schedule a free, 30-minute consultation
- Meet with a skilled and licensed therapist who specializes in infertility therapy and maternal mental health
- Begin to feel more sane, calm, and confident during this chaos
Other Counseling Services at Radiant Living Therapy
Our problems have many layers. We know these issues are complex so, we can help you at our Plymouth, MN counseling office, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Our professional therapists offer a variety of options for supporting your mental health needs. Our counseling services include individual counseling for anxiety or depression therapy, counseling for teens, therapy for men, marriage counseling and couples therapy, EMDR for trauma therapy, therapy for postpartum, and more. Radiant Living also offers more of these mental health services online. Let us help you live your best life, starting with online therapy.
Also, if you are a helping professional looking for help, or a therapist needing supervision or consultation services, we can help you, too. No matter the need, our therapists look forward to connecting with you!
Read more from the Radiant blog:
- Unload The Mental Load: Tips from a Twin Cities Therapist
- The Way You See Yourself Matters: Body Image and Sexual Functioning
- Attached at the Hip: How Attachment Styles Affect Our Adult Relationships
- New Year New Us: Relationship Resolutions
- Setting Boundaries: The Holiday Edition
- A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys
