Self-Love Before Dating | Online Therapist in Minnesota

by James Chadwick, MSW, LICSW, Radiant Living Therapist

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde

So you’re ready to start dating – awesome! Maybe you’ve done some retail therapy for a fun new outfit or downloaded some dating apps. Have you thought about joining a recreational sports league or special interest group? Hold up! You’re already in a relationship!

Do you have a relationship you have with yourself? It is the longest relationship you will have in your life. Given that, it might make some sense to invest some time and energy into that relationship. This is helpful to think about cultivating other relationships in your life. Truly, no matter where you are in your relationship journey – just get your feet wet! Benefit from self-love and self-care while dating or in an established relationship.

Learn Tips From An Online Therapist On Your Journey To Self – Love

Couple excited and cheering while sitting on a couch looking at a laptop. Are you ready to start dating? Couples therapy in Plymouth, MN is here for you. Also, consider online therapy in Minnesota for self-love explorations.

Avoiding Self

I see a society that doesn’t sufficiently reward self-development, promotion, and self-compassion. To be fair, you have a lot of competing demands on your emotional resources already.
Relationships and work can leave us having less time for ourselves. We all juggle various roles and narratives. Plus, digitally thriving with some distortion inherent to social media. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, it is all too easy to “[give off] one’s best picture, mended with a bluff.”

Many of our self-appraisals can fall into scarcity, deficit, and downward comparison. If I could just be richer, more sociable, more attractive, in a relationship, (fill in the blank), then I would be happy. Positive psychology has discarded many of these long-held “happiness solutions”. Self-actualization/fulfilling purpose, cognitive reframing, mindfulness, gratitude, and holistic wellness (Lyubomirsky, 2013, p. 257).

Who Are You?

Have you been putting off a fulfilling relationship with yourself? Are you afraid of what you may find (or not find)? This isn’t necessarily about multiple-day silent retreats. Though meditation can be an integral part of your wellness routine. It’s more of a gentle, gradual process of deprogramming negative self-talk. Replacing it with a more loving and supporting self-image. Affirmations or positive self-statements are often-resisted. But clinically proven tool for generating self-compassion. I have included one after this blog post. Rehearsing affirmations might feel awkward at first. Many people tend to revert to cynicism – but over time they become easier to internalize.

A person writing in a journal title "love yourself" with other office supplies around on a table. Learn more from an online therapist in Minnesota. Therapy in Plymouth, MN can help you prioritize and practice self- love.

If you have kids, or maybe you remember from your grade school days, you might be familiar with those “All About Me” worksheets. Some items like “favorite color” or even “favorite food” might feel a little basic. Taken together they start to paint a picture of who you are and who you become. Like, aspirations, strengths, areas for growth, and values. What is important to you, and how do you spend your time and emotional energy? Take inventory for a week or more. Does how you spend your time reflect your values or is there room for more equilibrium and alignment? Learn more from an online therapist in Minnesota who can help you find balance.

Independence and Interdependence: Putting the Pieces Together

The self-love relationship is ongoing! It’s not something that can be checked off, mastered, or perfected. Rather tended to with gentleness and consistency. We are products of our environments and are subject to changes in how we value and love ourselves. We are likely to feel better about ourselves in times of celebration. Like, growth – a promotion, a birth, a milestone, or a major purchase. We question the validity of our difficulties. Such as death, the end of a relationship, or some other form of loss.

Self-love scrabble pieces spread out on a brown table with a key in the middle. Put yourself back together through self-love with online therapy in Minnesota. Therapy in Plymouth, MN is here for you

Through everything that unfolds in life, we’re limited by what we can control. We have regular opportunities to renew self-love. Just as we have regular opportunities to renew love in our relationships with others. It is the contrast between caring for ourselves and learning to problem-solve independently. This allows us to show vulnerability and compassion in our relationships. It also allows us to know ourselves well enough to recognize triggers, ask for help, and much more. Knowing and loving ourselves makes us better and more attractive partners.

What step will you make towards knowing yourself today?

“In the vast infinity of life, all is perfect, whole, and complete, and so are we.” – Louise Hay

References:
Lyubomirsky, S. (2013). The how of happiness: A practical guide to getting the life you want (p. 257). Piatkus.

An Online Therapist in Minnesota Can Help You Explore Self-Love Further

Start out on the right track when exploring the dating scene. Learn more from online therapy in Minnesota to help you prioritize yourself first. Serving yourself will ultimately benefit your relationship.